A decent picture, except I look uncharacteristically pissed off.
Okay, fellow indie writers: I hope you’re ready to laugh at yourselves. For this entry, I wanted to turn my attention back to everyone’s favorite social media platform…(drumroll)…Twitter. But before I get into my observations, I want to take a few moments to be self-deprecating, because I feel like it’s one of my better qualities. Sometimes for the sake of commentary, I like to assume this sarcastic narcissist persona, even though that’s pretty far from the way I am in real life. It’s kind of a role I play, but I apologize for it from time to time because I’m always legitimately afraid that I might rub someone the wrong way, but I don’t want that to happen. You all are nice enough to stop by and read my articles, so the last thing I want to do is offend anyone. If you aren’t laughing, then I’ve done something wrong.
That said, today I want to critique the sorts of profile shots that we authors like to use on Twitter. I’m not saying that all authors on Twitter use terrible mugshots and I’m certainly not saying that mine is any better than anyone else’s. What I will say, though, is that a few “aspiring authors” on Twitter are astoundingly lazy or, sadly, insecure with the pictures they choose. Therefore, I am going to suggest that, if you are on Twitter, perhaps you should use this article to judge for yourself whether you might need to perhaps change your Twitter persona. Even that tiny picture can tell people a lot, and I can’t help but feel that some of my fellow indie writers are not doing themselves any favors with the Twitter pictures they have chosen to represent themselves.
If writing is what you wish to do, you need to exude professionalism at all times. Lord knows this can be next to impossible, but you still need to do your best. You want to look your best and you want to be memorable, without making a mockery of yourself. It’s okay to be funny in your pic, but you don’t want to be viewed as a joke. It’s okay to look serious in your pic, but I would avoid looking to self-serious. It’s hard to pass off the glowering, self-serious author pose if you have 57 followers and you’ve never been published.
Be yourself! Don’t be afraid of what anyone thinks! Have the confidence to own your author persona. No one is expecting you to look like Ryan Gosling and if you do look like Ryan Gosling, why the HELL are you wasting your time writing books?!
Anyway, here are the 13 kinds of authors I routinely see on Twitter.
1. The Black & White Mugshot Author – This is a step in the right direction when it comes to professionalism, except it’s so overdone. I’m not saying that a black & white mugshot is taboo. These are fine shots! All I’m saying is don’t be afraid to show a little color! This isn’t the 50s.
2. The Kitten with a Lime on Its Head Author – I didn’t even become aware of this meme until I got on Twitter, but let me tell you right now: If you have this picture as your author photo on Twitter, REMOVE IT IMMEDIATELY. You’re associating yourself with a flippant gag. I must have 100 followers who are using this as their profile pics and it just screams “amateur”. Please make this meme end!
3. The “I’m an Important Author and I’m on a Phone in My Picture” Author – Admittedly, this is a fairly rare form of author, but it always makes me laugh. Who are you talking to?? Am I supposed to believe you’re on the phone with your agent? I always assume you’re on the phone with Ted Nugent. I don’t know why you’d be on the phone with Ted Nugent and, frankly, I don’t want to know, but there it is. You’re talking to Ted Nugent. Put the phone down and pretend like you have time to take a decent mugshot.
4. The 30-Year-Old Glamour Shot Author – My heart goes out to these people. Most of the time I get the feeling that these sorts of pictures are intended as a substitute for physical appearances that, ahem, may have declined over the years. At 26 years old, it’s pretty easy for me to point the finger at older ladies & gentlemen who perhaps don’t have my luxury of being able to jog for an hour a day because I don’t have, I don’t know…children? But there’s nothing wrong with being older! Unless that 1970s glamshot is simply INCREDIBLE, go ahead and take a more recent picture. You have NOTHING to prove to people on Twitter and I promise that you have nothing to prove to people like me.
“Son…Somewhere in ‘at egg’s an author waitin’ a hatch.”
5. The No Picture Whatsoever Author – Please, please, please have at least SOMETHING as your profile picture. On the one hand, most people who don’t even have a picture generally don’t stick to Twitter very long in the first place. On the other hand, those who do make me wonder just how ugly they are. I mean, if you don’t have ANY kind of picture, I’m forced to assume you look like Sloth from “The Goonies”. If you DO look like Sloth from the Goonies, you still shouldn’t be ashamed. Buy a nice Armani suit and OWN it. Also, you may adopt the term “Slauthor”, which I came up with just now. You’re welcome.
6. The Hilarious Non-Sequitur Author – Authors tend not to do this as much as those annoying “#Followback” teenagers. Usually, a hilarious non-sequitur photo is just that: A funny .GIF or .JPEG that is completely unrelated to the Tweeter. These pictures might be worth a chuckle, but I almost never follow them because I assume they aren’t real people.
7. The Inanimate Object Author – An author who followed me this morning has a picture of a hot air balloon. Now, perhaps he or she is IN the hot air balloon. I don’t know. I believe I’ve also been followed by a woman who used a picture of a toaster as her profile picture. Maybe she’s a Cylon from “Battlestar Galactica”, but something tells me she isn’t actually a toaster.
Of course, if you’re an author like me, I’ll understand that the shadowy picture is not so much the result of pretentiousness as having not been able to pay the electric bill.
8. The Shadowy, Mysterious Sci-Fi Author – These are my favorite pictures on Twitter and the ones that most lend themselves to that “self-seriousness” I was talking about earlier. In my opinion, just because you’ve written a 55,000-word, unpublished sci-fi novel does not instantly give you the right to take a mugshot where half of your face is concealed in shadow and you’ve clearly used Photoshop to make one of your eyes red or teal or fuschia or something. Only two men on Earth are allowed to take photos while standing in that much shadow: Stephen King and Chris Carter, the creator of “The X-Files”.
9. The Just a F***ing Lunatic Author – Sometimes you just know a person is not so much an author as an undiagnosed, soon-to-be-incarcerated mental patient.
10. The Author Made of a Mass of Books – These authors are almost as lazy as the people using the “Lime Cat” memes. You know who I’m talking about—folks whose pictures are nothing but a stack of books? You aren’t given any sort of added legitimacy by being represented by a stack of books you may have read but almost certainly didn’t write. It would be like me walking into a dentist’s office and seeing a gigantic pile of bloody, misshapen teeth on the secretary’s desk and deciding, based on that, “THIS GUY MUST BE A GREAT DENTIST!”
11. The World Traveler Author – I’ve been guilty of this one. “Wow! That guy’s standing in front of The Parthenon! I can’t wait to buy his dystopian sci-fi novel on Amazon!” said absolutely no one ever.
12. The Suspiciously Handsome/Attractive Author – Have you ever been in this situation? “Say, that aspiring YA author looks a lot like Anne Hathaway. (follows) Come to think of it, she looks almost EXACTLY like Anne Hathaway. Wait…Yep, that’s definitely a photo of Anne Hathaway. Here it is on Google when you type ‘Anne Hathaway’. (unfollow)” Yeah, nothing irks me more than trying to pass yourself off as Anne Hathaway.
I know this picture is a lot to live up to, Folks. Just do your best 
13. The Genuine Author – On the flip side, nothing makes me smile more than seeing someone’s genuine grin in a well-framed, well-lit profile pic. You’re an aspiring author! You’re doing something you love! For crying out loud, be HAPPY about it! I love seeing young people, middle-aged people, elderly people, skinny people, husky people, poor people, rich people, bald people, fuzzy people, etc. SMILING about putting themselves out there and becoming a part of this bustling indie writer market that is exploding on the Internet. For me, these are the pictures that make me feel invested in the new world we’re creating. Be indie, support indie, and be proud!
Aw, I was worried when I started reading this, that I might fit into one of these earlier paragraphs…but yay me, I didn’t! I am a number 13 baby, smile and all! Thanks for the fun read!
Course on here…I am apparently a green square with little diamonds and triangles…
I’d say 90% of the writers I meet are #13, but I’m always ASTOUNDED by how many #2s I see. I had two people follow me this morning on Twitter who both had that “lime cat” picture, which is what triggered this whole article. Glad you’re a smiler, though!
Yup, wake up every day with a smile on my face. When asked how I’m doing, I always say something along the lines of “Fantastic”, because I generally am. And if I’m not, maybe I’ll fake myself into believing I am.
Uh oh. I’m guilty. I’m SO guilty. I read this post with increasing dread because I’ve been caught out.
I’ve had the same profile picture ever since I’ve been on Twitter. And yes, it is badly lit and could be mistaken for a black and white vanity shot. (Well, the black and white part isn’t true. But the vanity part is. XD)
I’ll tell you what, Sean. I’m going to go and change it right now, just for you, because reading this made me squirm just a little! I’m still pretty close to the age I was in that photograph, but it wouldn’t hurt, I suppose, to put something more recent on. :p
This article made me realize that I haven’t paid attention to what my Twitter profile picture is in a long time. I also realized it’s an anime chick. Which, coincidentally, actually isn’t on your list. So I guess I win.
There is also a reason for this. I am working on creating a new blog under a pen name, which is a long-time alias that already has photos everywhere. The real me, however, only has one picture of any recent-ness available on the web, in the hopes that fewer people will figure out the connection. So, while now I think I’m going to switch from the random anime chick, it will be a picture of my notebook instead of myself.
Wow that was rambly… anyway, thanks a bunch for this post, I quite enjoyed it.
My photo is the only one of me that exists. And my beloved daughter tells me off on Twitter. According to her and her coven, using proper grammar like full stops is the height of bad taste. I considered wondering what she mean, but couldn’t be bothered.
Okay, what do you think of this? My twitter
profile pic is a photo of the cover of one of
my short stories, which are available from an indie publisher. The photo kinda reflects
My personality but yeah it’s not me… Comments? @helenwmallon
He he! That made me laugh. Yes, I recognise all those except for the cat with the lime on its head which, most disappointingly, has never popped up on my time line. I do feel slightly uneasy commenting though, I do have a pen in my hand – a la writer, don’t you know – but, but, but it was a genuine picture taken on a course, honest!?!
Excellent, I cringed so much. Mine’s B&W and goofy. I think that would make me a 1 with a dash of 9 for added effect (I feel a photo session coming on). The only one I feel you missed out was the ‘outstretched arm holding camera shot’.
How’d a picture of a guy holding a sleeping baby on a backdrop of Safeway work? Didn’t see that category covered
Today I got followed by a guy who has a picture of a bowler hat. I loved it. I do like a face pic though – it’s honest and I’m frankly more likely to remember you. Can’t wait to see what shape I am
Your perspective on using a genuine photo is good, but on the other side there are valid reasons that some individuals choose not to use their picture.
I was so busted as a #4 (and jogging is not going to help, young man). So, tada, changed to a #13
Oh, BTW, I think #14 should be the “I am what I write” book cover avi.
Suggestion noted
Yes, guilty as charged (probably the #14 above). I take dreadful “posed” pictures – anyone care for a smirk? So…I’m trying this one of me ambushed outside while having fun, even if it is weird.
I’ve been known to use self-portraits as my twitter avatar … where does that fall?
Nowt wrong with black and white. Hides a multitude of sins, does monochrome :~)
I’m just jealous of people who can pull off the b&w. I look like a prude in black & white
But… but… WHAT IF YOU ACTUALLY *ARE* A CAT who enjoys wearing a lime helmet?
You’re poking holes in my theories!!! STOP IT!
I have to admit I was drawn to this blog because of your pic. Who is this guy propped on, then sleeping on, the stack of books?!? Great humor. Will RT for others to enjoy. Meanwhile, am reconsidering going for a more lunatic quality, or maybe sci-fi. *laughing still*
Your cleverly worded article will never make me get rid of my ‘mysterious author’ look!
This is a hoot! Slauthor is definitely a keeper. OK, gotta go RT this immediately. Just doing my part to help clean up those offensive profile pix out there, says the pleasantly smiling #13 indie. ; )
I’m smiling… oddly. Does that count?
Odd smiles are the best!
Why thank you.
I never follow eggs without a profile bio. Usually spammers. Hey, maybe you could do an article about good Twitter bios? No. #1 – if it’s got the f bomb in it = you’re gone.
I like my picture because it was taken in my little half-bath of the kitchen, and it makes all my friends look at quizzically and ask “Was that picture taken in the bathroom?” Why yes, yes it was.
I’d like to break all those lazy eggs open and see what’s inside.
There’s one more kind: the holding chin author. There are so many of us!
I laughed out loud at this because you’re so right!!! Okay, “14 Kinds”.
For far too long I used the one I have here at wordpress with me singing at one of our gigs… My new avatar though melds #8 with #1 because it is the same style of art I went with for my new series. Black and White negative space. It’s actually a theme I have used in all of my covers so far. I’m just such a sucker for a good silhouette…
This post definitely poured me a big glass of LOLZ Juice. Good stuff.
Reblogged this on Inspiring articles, blogs and prompts.
Thanks Sean, I was the inanimate object! A picture of one of our necklaces,(jewelry business)
Now you just see a pic of the real me.
I love this article, Sean, but I must stay with my rainbow avatar. You see, nuclear-bomb-strength chemo so totally altered my appearance and my psyche that I have to use my prism-generated rainbow as part of a mental game to stay positive. It also represents my philosophy of life: radiant sunlight refracted through an ordinary prism to make something beautiful.
I guess there’s not really a category for that one, eh?
In that case, can I just say that is the most GORGEOUS rainbow I’ve ever seen??
I’m still dying over Slauthor! That was awesome.
Hilarious! However, I consider myself a rebel, so I’m off to change my avatar to an egg wearing a lime on its head whilst talking on the phone, cloaked in shadows along the River Thames.
I started off with an avatar of twin otters. Then I switched to a surfer because I ‘surf’ the net.
Outside of the fact that I hate my photos, even if I wanted to switch to a pic of myself, twitter has a size limit, and I’m not computer savvy enough to size a pic of me down.
I have been thinking of changing my av to a pic of my actual self for awhile.
And I will.
But not yet.
I have pics of myself in the photo section in case anyone wants know how I look.
I’m not bothered by peeps who use avatars other than themsems.
I just recently got a follower with the lime helmet kitten. DistiDistinctive and cute.
Great post! I really like the way you engage your readers. I shared your post on Facebook.
This. Was awesome.
No YOU. Are awesome.
Well, hmm…sure had fun with this. I started as a b&w photo of me standing on a snowy sidewalk on my first day of school in Canada (prairie girl). I finally found the courage to switch up to a color pic of me reading at an open mike. My true age almost revealed – No.4. I’m still going to hide that for awhile…behind an open mike.
Let’s not forget the hand-on-chin author looking thoughtfully away from the camera. What are they looking at? Why are they holding their chins?
I may or may not be number 9. Perhaps I won’t be getting sent to an asylum, but my picture certainly makes me look like a candidate for rehab. It IS me though, so I can at least feel proud of that. Great blog!